Who You'd be Today

The month of October is a heavy emotional month for me. Naya was getting sicker by the day, and then one day, we were counting the days, then hours, she had left. Life turned on us too fast.

Looking for music to help me process my grief, I came across a beautiful song by Kenny Chesney, which inspired the title of the post. It fits with where I am since losing Naya. In recent months, I have been thinking more about who Naya would have become. In honor of Naya's memory, her death on November 5th and children who have lost their lives to cancer, I hope you read on and listen to this wonderful and moving song.

Dear Naya,

Three years ago, we were watching you slip away from us. Your face was so peaceful and beautiful. Your hair was still growing. Your long fingers still held my hand. You body was letting you be at peace even while a battle was raging inside of you. 

You stayed with us well past the doctors' predictions. You always had that athlete's heart, and it came through in flying colors despite cancer. Even in the end, you made the rules fit what you wanted. Your little heart let us share precious time together, in peace, listening to your favorite music and being at home. You didn't leave us in the middle of the night. You weren't screaming or crying. You just breathed slowly and quietly. You let us be with you until your very last breath, holding you in our arms. I wonder if you were intentional about how you left this world.

I knew you were out of options for many months. Even so, the thought of losing you was distant most of the time, and it wasn't until your last breath that it became vividly real. I've always hoped you didn't know what was happening. Deep inside, I believe you knew. I just hope they were fleeting thoughts, and didn't stick or cause you to be afraid. The thought of you being in fear on top of all of the physical suffering from your treatments hurts almost as much as losing you.

I'm sorry you had to endure cancer, and you were robbed of a long life. At the same time, I am also grateful that we didn't know how much time you had. We tried and succeeded at living life to its fullest with you until the end. In the unluckiest blow life could give to all of us, the cancer did not take away your personality or soul.  Look at this picture...it was just a few days before you died. I love it.  

You were selfless your entire life. The gift you left us, that you would be okay, has helped me carry on without you here. I know that every tear I shed is because I miss you and constantly wonder who you would have become. But I also know you are okay, you haven't left me, and you are with me now.

In your death, you are helping other kids. That's what you're doing today. It's who you are today. It may be your legacy, or it could just be the beginning of what you do. Your compassion, love for people and determination are felt as much as they were when you were here with us, breathing next to me. 

I hope you like this song. I miss you.

Love - Mom

Lyrics

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
I still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Today, today, today
Today, today, today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday

Ellie

I can't sleep. My mind is swirling with everything I need to do at work. I finally gave up trying and came downstairs figuring I might as well not fight insomnia.

The house is still, so quiet. I can breathe and think. The air conditioner has a low hum that's oddly relaxing.

As I sit in the quiet and observe my surroundings, I find myself immersed in Naya thoughts and stories. They are a tidal wave tonight. 

In the family room, we have the couch she helped choose. I remember the time we picked it out. It was the week before the ER trip that changed our lives. When it arrived, she took it over. It was her couch and she appropriately named it the "girls couch". It drove her crazy when Zak would sit on it. Poor Zak would be kicked off every time. Now it's Zak's couch, and Sam jumps on it. I sometimes think Sam sits on that couch because Naya is luring him to it.

I see one of her favorite stuffed animals - Ellie - on the fireplace mantle. Her favorite one, Murphy, was always with her, even as she left the our world. Stuffed animals played a large role in Naya's life before cancer. Before she got sick, she had at least a dozen stuffed animals in her bed. At bedtime, she'd spend what seemed like an hour arranging her animals. On nights when I was exhausted, this routine would drive me crazy. But it was equally adorable and lovely. Her 3 'sister' Au Pairs - Claudia, Anna and Karolina - all have their own stuffed animal that was bought with or by Naya. Claudia's is the original Ellie. 

Naya with Claudia - the original Ellie owner.

The hospital psychologist told us how familiar things, like favorite stuffed animals, were comforting to kids going through the scary journey of cancer. She was right. Naya's animals - stuffed and real - kept her happy, comforted and feeling at home. Naya was so strong and an old soul but she was a child, terrified of the word 'cancer' and thrown into a world that was out of her control. We never fought Naya on taking Ellie and Murphy on trips, even though they took up 1/2 the suitcase. 

Ellie, a Build A Bear stuffed rabbit, kept Hank company when I was sleeping with Naya. Naya eventually bought Hank his own Ellie for father's day so that he would stop borrowing her Ellie. The second Ellie is in our room and its original Build A Bear box is in Hank's closet. I wonder if the psychologist would have predicted how important the stuffed animals were going to be to us.

There's more surrounding me. Pictures of her smiling or laughing, things she made, things we picked and bought together. I've kept the important things. The things that remind me of our experiences and life together.

As I write, I'm realizing my insomnia is because I've let life get so busy that I have starved my need to connect with Naya. I don't get to hear her voice anymore, hug her or just be with her. Everything I have is stored in my memory, and the things in our home help me reconnect with her. 

My heart has a constant wound. It's like someone ripped a huge piece of it out. I know it'll never heal. I'm okay with the pain. It's existence is important and sometimes the more it hurts, the better I feel. There is beauty in the pain as it reminds me of how beautiful my life with Naya was, and the gift I was given.

Even though I can't touch her anymore, Naya is as real to me now as she was when she was alive. Thinking about her and having her things around are my stuffed animals. They comfort me, and remind me of her energy, generosity and love of life. I feel myself more at peace now. While my heart is aching and tears are streaming, the tidal wave is allowing me to reconnect with Naya.

It's 5 a.m. and the birds are awake. I'm tired but no longer starved. A good day awaits.

How Am I Doing?

I get asked that question a lot. It’s a hard question to answer. I never answer it well. I think people want me to say things are better, and in some ways, I am a better person. I’m more compassionate, more focused on what matters, in the moment and appreciative of my family, colleagues and friends. But, in other ways, I’m not better.

I’ve learned to live with heartache. I think that’s part of my answer.

Today like many days is hard. I miss Naya a lot. I miss my girl who loves the outdoors and would be on the golf course riding the cart with Hank and Zak. She'd be asking me things about her future, listening to Prince with us and dancing to his music. And, she would be planning her birthday party.

What would she be like now? Smart, tall, pretty, funny, happy. Soon she would have turned 13! Wow, a teenager. It makes my heart ache to think of what she didn’t get to be. It kills me to know her dreams will never be realized. Going to a prom, having a boyfriend, going to Stanford, having kids, being a wife. But one dream hasn’t changed. She wanted to change the world. She is fulfilling that dream and I hope she knows it.

So, back to "how am I doing?". I turn a lot of my attention to her foundation. I get a lot of joy from it, even though the pace can be so frustrating. I've met truly special and gifted people that I never thought I'd meet - people dedicated to children's health and lives. So many people are selflessly helping us. The texts, emails, tweets, conversations and posts fuel my day and my conviction. I know so many people are pulling for us. From strangers to old friends – so many are helping us change the world.

When I think of the answer to “how am I doing”, I don’t want to speak only about my heartache. Naya didn't deserve to be remembered in that way, and wouldn't want that for me. So, here’s a stab at an answer…

I live with the heartache of losing Naya every day, but I also live with precious gifts she gave me. The gift of her unconditional and deep love. The gift of the mother-daughter relationship I always wanted. The gift of a life’s purpose to help others. The gift of having her with me for almost 12 years, and in my heart forever.

I’m doing okay, and maybe better than okay. I'm just not ready to say that yet.

Zak's relationship with Naya

Zak at age 14 wearing bands that signify his love for Naya.

It's Zak's birthday today. He's 15! He's growing up to be such an amazing you man. Smart, athletic, funny, loving and kind. In honor of Zak, I thought I'd share a little about Zak and Naya.

From the moment Naya was born, Zak was the big brother. He watched over her swing and crib, shared a room with her in Toronto, hugged her when she cried and played with her constantly. They played and fought like all kids do. But he also hugged her when she was down, and helped her when she needed it most. He gave her a hug and kiss literally every day of her life.

Zak fooled us as a kid. Hank and I thought he could do no wrong, and that Naya was the trouble maker. However, as they got older, there was a period when he tortured Naya and got her in trouble. If it weren't for Anna telling us how Zak quietly tortured Naya, we would have gone on oblivious to what he hid behind his innocent smile. 

Naya told the story of Zak's torturing to anyone who would listen. He stopped for a while when she got sick, but started up at times. He kept her feeling normal. She yelled at him, he annoyed her, and she rolled her eyes at how lazy he could be. Even when she was going through treatments, they would fight over the radio station in the car. Their fights were honestly like music to me. I wanted them to always continue. I knew when the fighting stopped, my music would stop. It meant she was gone from our lives.

Zak only cried a couple of times in front of me when Naya got sick. Early on when she got sick, and close to the time she died. He has been quietly strong for all of us. He knows when she is on our minds, and when I am lost in my thoughts about Naya, he brings me back to the real world and reminds me that life is joyful. 

There have been some statements he's said about Naya that will stick with me. 

• 'Naya was stronger than I could have ever been'
• 'She was determined'
• 'Cancer did not beat Naya'
• 'Treatments were not good enough to save my sister'
• 'She was stronger than me'

Zak is strong too. And, Naya's memory impacts him everyday. He wears his "Fight Like a Girl" band daily in memory of Naya. Her pictures and things she made are in his room. In his own way, he quietly surrounds himself with his sister.

I'm so grateful for Zak. He's been so important to our family's joy, and now our healing. It's a lot for a kid to shoulder, but I think when he grows up, he'll realize he gave Hank and me the most important gift of our life. The gift of loving life. Happy birthday Zak. 

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Why September Matters

Every day, there's a radio or TV commercial with a well known hospital claiming to strike out cancer, save us with targeted treatments and let us hop on a bike hours after radiation or chemo. Naya went through surgery, chemo and radiation. She took a full year to regain her strength to get back on a bike.

If you have anyone close to you touched by cancer, you know the reality.

Cancer rates are going up. Cancer is predicted to become the leading cause of death overall, surpassing heart disease. It's already the leading cause of death among kids in the U.S. and growing. And, if you live in less fortunate country, the survival rates are a fraction of those in the United States.

• 1 in every 285 children in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer
• In the U.S., one out of every five children with cancer will not survive
• Nearly 2,000 children in the U.S. will die of cancer every year
• The vast majority of kids who do survive will suffer long-term side effects
• A child’s probability of surviving cancer is poor in less-developed countries

The runs, walks, pool parties, birthday donations, lemonade stands and childhood cancer events are critical as they are the primary source for funding new treatments and finding cures.

In less than 2 years, our donors have helped us raise over $350,000. We have also made sure 100% of the donations to Team Naya and The Naya Foundation are used for childhood cancer research and cures. So far, we've been able to commit to a clinical trial, gene sequencing and fund research to support advancements in childhood cancer cures. Thank you.

Dr. Benjamin Mizukawa, a St. Baldrick’s Scholar at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, puts it this way:

“When you save a child’s life, you affect families, future generations, and everyone that child will influence over a lifetime. When you support a scientist, you affect not only the current work, but all the trainees, collaborators, and personnel connected to the work, and all their future studies that will follow over a lifetime."

**Statistics from American Cancer Society, 2014

Raising the World's Empathy Quotient

I've been on social media sites for years. Social media was a part of my job as a marketer. Over the last two years, social media has been a lifeline for survival and therapy for me as my daughter fought and lost her battle to cancer. Now, I think of social media as a lifeline for others, and I feel a responsibility to help others in need of a voice. I'm in a position, both as a person and professional, to make the world a better and more empathetic place. My voice is getting louder as I help causes and efforts very close to my heart - pediatric cancer cures, STEM and advancing women. Recently, and with the help of social media, I've expanded my voice to areas that needs more empathy and understanding. Whether it's influencing change in the State of Indiana, sharing stories that might help others, getting the world out about Elon Musk's ideas to reduce carbon emissions, or listening to the needs of minorities in our inner cities - I'm trying to do my part to make our world a better place.

Many of you already act as a megaphone for others. For those of you who do, thank you. I've learned more about the world through your words and images, and am a better person as a result. I've also met some people who are changing the world and are heroes in their own right, and they are my source for inspiration.

But many of us still back away from stating our opinions. We're worried about losing "friends" and "followers", causing controversy, or seeming political. When I retweet or post something, I think about those things too. I don't believe the "opinions are my own" will save me from repercussions. The stakes are high the more you put yourself and your brand in the public domain.

You can state your opinion and be responsible. You can state your opinion and not be political. All you need to do is state your opinion and be human, hopeful and not hateful. Let's raise the world's empathy quotient and make it a better place.

Going to the Radnor Hunt? Buy a bracelet and support Pediatric Cancer Research

If you're going to the Radnor Hunt, listen up!

Tracy, a former classmate of Naya's, student, and amazing young lady, is making bracelets to help raise funds for pediatric cancer research. These wonderful bracelets will be available at the Radnor Hunt for between $1.50-$3.00. Of course, she'll accept more if you want to give more :)

Buy a bracelet from Tracy and support The Naya Foundation at the same time.

When you get to the field at the Radnor Hunt, look for our logo.  Cash only please.  Thanks Tracy for your amazing talent, love and support!

My Plan in May is to Honor Mothers and Daughters - Join in

I've been thinking about May a lot these days. Naya's birthday is this month, and so is Mother's Day. I also lost my dad in May. I know it's going to be a hard time, and while I tell myself to live each day to the fullest, the anticipation of the month gets the best of me at times. I have a plan for May to help me through it, and I hope you'll join me and contribute. This month, I'm going to write or cite great stories and videos about mothers, and sometimes, about our relationships with our daughters. There is nothing more important to me than being a mom, and I have been blessed with amazing children. You have all read about my journey with Naya. Being her mother was an incredible gift, honor and responsibility, and the most loving time of my life.

I'm going to begin ahead of schedule with a story about someone I have the pleasure to work with at TE. She's a young woman, with an amazing story that all mothers, daughters and parents should hear.

Meet Lexi...

[youtube=http://youtu.be/P5EZRp09b_g]

The Naya Foundation Site Launched!

On April 2nd, we launched The Naya Foundation with many friends, family members and passionate supporters of our family and Naya. We are excited to announce that we have also launched the official website for Naya's Foundation!! Please check out the site at http://www.thenayafoundation.org

There are a few things we are working through which you'll notice on the site.

First, this blog will eventually be redirected to the Foundation site. We will also begin blogging in both sites so that Naya's supporters can get used to the new site.

Also, we're finalizing the IRS non-profit designation so the donations will continue to go to CHOP, with all funds raised going towards pediatric cancer research and cures.

And, finally, we are looking for committee leaders and volunteers.  Let us know if you have interest, but didn't get the notes from the April 2nd meeting.  You can email us at nayasummy@me.com

Join Us for The Naya Foundation Kick Off on April 2nd

On April 2nd, we are officially kicking off The Naya Foundation. If you are in the Philadelphia area and wish to join us (by phone or in person), you can send an email to nayasummy@me.com or comment via this blog and I will forward details to you. A dial-in and online meeting will be available for out-of-towners to participate. Over 800 people supported Naya in the last 2 years, and we want each and every one of you to join us as we help kids with cancer live the lives they were meant to live.

If you can't make the date but wish to stay informed, keep following the blog, and soon, the Foundation's website.

Seeking My Narrative

I'm going through a journey of finding out who I really am, and what I'm meant to do in my lifetime. I know many of you are too, so I thought I'd share some of my learnings so far during my journey. For decades, I've wondered what I was meant to do. When Naya became ill, I knew that I was chosen and meant to carry Naya through her life, and be strong and loving for her. My upbringing shaped and prepared me to carry her. I also know that I'm here to see that Zak thrives, survives the loss of his sister and becomes the man he was meant to be.

I believe that all of my life experiences are supposed to lead to something that helps others in a bigger way. I'm not sure what that something is yet, but I hope I see it early enough to do something about it. This month, I had the chance to meet and learn from so several inspiring individuals. Their points are helping me develop my eventual narrative, and I wanted to share them with you in case you get inspired:

-Dream big, really big -Always have a dream you are shooting for -One person can make a difference in the world. I can make a difference. You can make a difference. -A sports legend said to me after coming in second that "#2 is the first loser". True in sports, but it could be true in many places. Figure out when #1 matters, and make it happen. It's part of the dream big. -Your entire life is part of your narrative. In my case, my upbringing prepared me for the unimaginable loss of my lovely Naya, and also prepared me for being an advocate for children. In Monica Lewinsky's case, she's helping us understand the price of shame. What's your narrative? -Be compassionate -Have empathy -Have a daily dose or two of inspiration. Surround your day with inspiring people. It's a cycle...they inspire you, you inspire someone else, and it keeps going. I follow people who inspire me online, and they do the same. -Help all kids aspire to be greater. Give them opportunities to be inspired. -Every person has something to offer. Seek it out. I've learned so much from people just by tuning in, opening my mind and seeking their message. -Shedding stereotypes creates bigger possibilities for everyone.

My narrative, and yours, is the sum of all parts. Think about your life and journey. It's telling you something, and your story is in there somewhere.

Beautiful Truth from RBG for Hank, Zak, All Women and My Friends

Slow Down

A special person I work with always says "slow down to speed up". His words are true in work, and in life.

Life passes by too fast. Multitasking, electronics, media, double-booked meetings, tasks and activities all make it fly by. I'm choosing to be fully present. It simply makes my life richer and better. And, being present actually speed some things up.

A recent vacation forced me to step back and face my changed life head on. Being in Vail wasn't easy without Naya,but I needed to do it, and I didn't know why. I think it's becoming more clear.

I made space for myself to grieve, and realized I've only just started to feel the immenseness of my loss. I continue to imagine myself with Naya, holding her in my arms, laughing with her, and loving her as only a mother can. I want her to feel my love from wherever she is, and I want to feel her love through my grief.

I've made more space for my husband, and am helping him as he gets back to being the bigger than life person he has always been. I SEE Zak as a young man with great humor, world opinions, quirks, empathy, maturity and deep intelligence. I've made time for great friends, and had meaningful conversations with colleagues and new acquaintances. I'm fully engaged at work, and bringing my whole self to the game.

I've found more and more that people are giving, selfless and caring. From a lending a shoulder to cry on and ear to listen, to donating, honoring Naya through bake sales, helping us get her foundation off the ground and more. And, there are people who suck your time, stress you out and aren't in the first camp. My trick is to make sure the time suckers don't cause me to lose perspective or be negative. It takes practice and reflection every day, but it can be done. And, you will be happier.

Dear Naya,

We hope you're happy and smiling down on us. I imagine you with Grandma Taru, Grandma Betty, and Grandpa Bhupen all the time. I know they are taking good care of you. I hope you're enjoying Rekha. I feel you at times watching over me and smiling. Thank you babe.

This has been a busy month. I didn't have much time to just be with you. No matter how busy, I was determined to keep your cause moving forward. But I'm sure you knew that. I was at AIS this week. I love that school, but I shouldn't be the one going there, it should be you. A lot is happening there in your honor. They are going to create an award for the 6th grade which represents what you stood for, which was so much. They are also creating a space on the playground dedicated to you and PJ. Also, two Agnes Irwin girls pledged over $5,000 that they raised for your cause through their Hives for Lives club. Dad and I are creating a scholarship in your name to help a young AIS woman in her junior and senior year stay at AIS through graduation. Your classmates are also going to help us with the Parkway Run. None of this brings you back to us, but it all ensures your dream to cure pediatric cancer will be carried out and you will always impact the lives of girls at AIS.

We met Dr. Fisher and talked to CHOP too. In the last year, you raised over $200,000. Just this past week, we gave $50,000 of that money to genetically sequence medulloblastoma tumors of other children. Your tumor was sequenced, but it turns out that there's no ongoing funding to do that, so your money is going to help those kids get closer to a cure.

This month, TheNayaFoundation will be officially launched. I have many ideas that were yours, and everyone wants to help. We won't stop until there is a cure for your disease. I promise you that.

Yesterday, we took Zak and his friends downtown to the Villanova game. You would have been so annoyed with 4 teenage boys. Dad and I laughed thinking about what you would be saying about them, and how you'd be rolling your eyes. I passed the Kimmel Center and thought about the time you read your poem on stage for Dream Flags. You weren't nervous at all. I was so proud of you. And, I passed Citizens Bank Park and remembered when you walked with me for the American Heart Association and TE team. You did so much in your lifetime Naya, all the way until you had to leave our earth. More than most people will ever do.

Our heart breaks for you constantly. I imagine holding you and giving you kisses every day, and we hear you laughing and see your smile all the time. Valentine's day is coming up, and Zak's birthday. We're going to Vail. It's going to be a killer being there without you. Help me be strong Naya. Love you. Mom

Still Learning From My Daughter

Yesterday marked three months since Naya passed and I'm still learning how to process my emotions. I want to focus on the way she took everyday as it unfolded and made the most of every moment even though many of those movements she felt like crap. She would make plans to ride PJ, or which classes she was going to attend, or make plans to craft with friends and not for a moment think, "maybe I won't feel strong enough to do that so maybe I shouldn't plan." It's still raw and even though I want to focus on the strength she showed me how to pull from I still have those moments where it's hard not to get angry, mad as hell in fact, and frustrated with the odds that she was dealt. My own weakness try's to get the better of me. Then I think about how she never let those feelings in, instead, pushed and fought and worked hard to enjoy life. So how can I do anything but that?

She will always continue to amaze me! So now Sam, the puppy she convinced us to add to our household, is getting big, livin large, and taking over the role of leader of the pack. Take a look. Already housebroken and smart as a whip at 4 months old I'm sure she would approve. Just like Sam, I'll keep learning. I just hope I'm as good of a teacher to him as Naya was, is, to me.

Staying Centered | Naya's Foundation | Precision Medicine Initiative

January was a crazy month. I love work and what I do, as well as the people I get to work with everyday. Add strategic and time sensitive projects, and the workaholic side of me emerges and I get easily consumed. Only this time, working alone wasn't enough to fulfill me. I greatly missed that space I've created over the past several months to be with my family and Naya's memory. I didn't have the mental capacity to be in the moment with the people and thoughts that matter most to me. I veered off course...just for a little while. With the help of my brother, caring friends, Hank and Zak, I quickly figured out why I was feeling off center. I was missing that space, and petty things bother me. That space keeps me grounded and focused on the bigger picture.

I've profoundly changed over the past two+ years, and being grounded in who I am and on what matters most to me is my quest. Draining my energy worrying about what others do, petty drama, or things I can't change is exhausting. I need that energy for what I want to do for me, my family, people I care about, and most of all, Naya. This blog is part of that quest.

This week will be 3 months since Naya passed. I miss her more every day. I believe she's with me every minute of the day. I'm proud to say that I am more grounded in what she stood for and am making progress.

There's progress on our goal to cure pediatric cancer. Naya's foundation paperwork is getting filed so we can get it up and going very soon. We also received over $25,000 in donations in January from amazing people and organizations. These funds will go be directed towards Medulloblastoma (Naya's disease) sequencing at CHOP. Genetic sequencing enables future targeted therapies and advances in pediatric cancer treatments.

This week, President Obama made it a priority to fund the Precision Medicine Initiative, calling for new funding to build a national infrastructure that will allow researchers to custom-design more effective therapies based on a patient’s individual genetic profile.

Read about it. It might change your life.

http://www.technologyreview.com/news/534591/us-to-develop-dna-study-of-one-million-people/

"Precision medicine refers to treatments tailored to a person’s genetic profile, an idea already transforming how doctors fight cancer and some rare diseases."

Strong Roots

Someone who I respect and admire asked me about my family and parents as a way to understand more about how I'm getting through losing Naya. It was a surprising question, but one that made me start connecting many dots about my life. Life isn't so random after all. The quick facts about my upbringing. I'm 100% Indian, born here in the U.S., raised in Ohio. When I grew up it wasn't cool to be Indian. Nothing like today, where being different is now cool and embraced. I was different, and so were my parents. They were privileged in India, but came here to start a new life. They worked hard. My dad earned his PH.D. while working as a janitor, professor's assistant and other odd jobs at Michigan State. Mom babysat to make ends meet and learned English through osmosis. They ended up divorcing when I was a teenager which, at the time, was socially unacceptable in Indian culture. They struggled to find happiness for a while, but ended up happy and at peace with two children + four grandchildren to love. Their desire to be happy, love for family, honesty, generosity, and fortitude guided them throughout their lives and paid off.

They taught me a lot. Work hard, be honest, be kind, love people, live life to its fullest and look forward. For many years, it was my dad who raised me with those values. As I got older, I realized my mom had the same values, and in some ways they were stronger in her than my dad. I married Hank, another very determined, talented person with a positive outlook on life and many of the same values I grew up with. Both of our parents persevered through many life challenges. While not the same as losing a daughter, they had their own difficult hurdles to overcome.

When I reflect on my family and Hank's, they always moved forward in spite of obstacles. They lived life as full as they could. My dad used to say "life goes on" when something that he didn't like happened. Simple words, but true. The key for me is how to be now that life has gone on without Naya present. As I type, I realize life is going on with Naya. She's always present with me and always will be next to me.

.